Ramblings

Disclaimer: if this post sounds whiny and complainy, it's not supposed to. I feel like God has shown the way that He provides, so many ways this summer, and I'm not wanting to take that for granted.

It's been a long time. I've hardly blogged the entire summer. I think it's mostly because I know that if I don't have anything nice to say, I really shouldn't say anything at all.

The only reason I write right now is because I know if I don't, I will forget everything that has happened, and I don't necessarily want to do that.

I'm not even sure where I left off, so I'll quickly skim through the entire summer. Back in April, I discovered that Kate would not need me for the summer, and so I began looking for jobs. After a few weeks (aka, like 4 or 5 weeks- long enough for me to start feeling desperate, and start doubting) I was offered a job as a nanny for about 20 hours a week. I would be caring for two little boys ages 3 and 5. I finished up working for Kate, hopped on a flight, and went to Washington for a week for a wedding. I was able to shadow the photographer, and practice wedding photography! That week was probably the highlight of my summer.

When I returned, I started work the next day. The first few days went so well. The boys seemed like they loved me, and the parents really seemed to like me. Then I started noticing different things. I would get multiple phone calls from the mother, when I was only there for a couple of hours. Also, one day when I was there for about 8 hours, I decided to meet up with my sister at a spray park since she nannies too. When I told the boys mother this, she didn't seem very happy with me. That surprised me too, because I had invited my sister just to be more efficient... and my sister actually helped me out a lot by keeping an eye on the boys with me (the kids she nannied were older, and needed less supervision). I began to question whether this was the job for me - for many different reasons. It had felt so right when she offered me the job, but I wasn't really sure if it was or not. After about three weeks of working for this family, I had a couple weeks off, because the boys went to visit their grandparents. Part way through my time off, I received a call from the mother. She then proceeded to tell me that the neighbors had come to her saying that they saw me outside with the boys, and I wasn't close enough to them (the boys that is). She told me she didn't need me anymore, and that she was going to find someone else.

I got off the phone, and I just sat there shocked. The only thing I remember was thinking over and over again, "I was just fired." I don't know how he knew anything was wrong, but my boyfriend who was there at the time, just walked up to me silently, sat down, and hugged me. That's when I started crying. It had hit that I had spent about a month looking for a job, and here I was starting from the beginning. all. over. again.

Slowly, over the next few days, I began to realize that it was a good thing that she had fired me. Knowing myself, I wouldn't have allowed myself to quit for at least a year. One of my biggest frustrations was that she completely took her neighbors' words to be true, and didn't even ask for my side of the story. I may not have been hovering over the boys, but I was watching them, and making sure they stayed safe, and away from the street.

Over time I became more and more grateful that I was fired. I really felt that God was watching over me, and that He knew what was best, even though it hurt.

The whole situation is frustrating to me though, because if I mention anything about being fired, I feel like I have to explain myself, just so my reputation doesn't get ruined. Also, I wish I had been more assertive and quit before I was fired. I wish I had been the one to break up first, in a sense.

Since this happened (beginning of July) I've had a hard time with it. It really lowered my self esteem. Logically, I know I shouldn't be affected by it, because I know I didn't do anything wrong, but I also feel like someone told me that I failed at one of the things I do best.

So, after I was "fired", I began looking for jobs that might start when the school year started. I took it easy, and tried to enjoy my time off (although that was difficult since I felt stressed about the job situation). This was also when we had the huge waldo canyon fire that burned down almost 400 houses, and damaged countless others.

 I flew out to Chicago to drive a van back with my sister, Rachel, who lives in Chicago, for my sister, Julianna, who lived in Colorado for the summer. Julianna's car had been totalled from a crazy hail storm we had in June. I spent one night in Chicago with my sister and her family, and then the next morning we piled into the van and drove for two days back to Colorado. It was good sister bonding time, as we strained to listen to an audio book off of my sister's phone, while a toddler was whining in the background. No, but for real, Judah did amazingly during that trip. Rachel then spent a week in Colorado visiting friends, and her siblings, and then she flew back to Chicago with her son to reunite with her husband.

I then began getting ready for school to start. I found out that UCCS has a job site where people post for jobs, and I started applying for jobs there. I applied for a job at the day care that is on campus, and instantly got an interview. I interviewed that week, and was told they would get back to me in a week or two. I got my wisdom teeth out that weekend, and that was such a miserable weekend. I'm so glad I won't have to do it again :)

Time went on. I was pretty sure I was going to be offered a job at the day care, but I wasn't 100% positive. I didn't know if I should look for other jobs or not. I started worrying about what I should do, and I knew I didn't want to wait an entire week to hear about whether I had the job or not. The Wednesday after my interview, I had a bad day. I was stressed, and I was doubtful. I had pretty much hit the bottom, and I didn't know what to do. So, I called my boyfriend, and told him I couldn't be alone any longer (all of this is through tears of course, because I cry over everything... if I'm happy, I cry. If I'm sad, I cry. If I'm angry, I cry. It's just what I do. ;) He invited me over, and I drove over there. While I was driving, I was still questioning myself. I then got a phone call from the director of the day care, who said, "I can't remember if I had already hired you, or if I was supposed to call you and hire you." I laughed and said that she had told me she would call. She said, "well you're hired." I hung up and just started bawling (because that's what I do, don't you know?), but I also know that the timing was too perfect not to believe that God didn't have anything to do with it.

A week later, I began training, and then was thrown into a classroom. Currently I'm with the one-year olds, and they are so adorable. I also like the job more than I thought I would, and I love working with fellow students.

A couple weeks after starting at the daycare, I started back with Kate, and I also began school. After getting into the rhythm of things, I started realizing that I wasn't making enough to live off of. I was only working about 5-8 hours a week at the day care (due to my work study), and I was only working 5-8 hours a week with Kate. So pretty much I was working 10 hours a week. So, I began looking for a third job (yeah, all this job hunting is tiring me out too). The day after I had emailed a few people about possible nanny jobs, Kate told me she had decided to drop the class that she uses me for, and that she didn't really need me this semester.

By now, I am just so tired. I just really want to get into routine, and be content, and I want to be DONE with job hunting.

So, on Saturday I had an interview, was offered the job a few hours after the interview, and I start this new job tomorrow. I didn't realize how stressed I would feel about this job though. Part of me worries that I'll just be fired again, even though if I think about it logically that's just kind of dumb. I constantly am talking myself out of the doubts I have, because I know I shouldn't have them. If I learned anything this summer, it's that time and time again, God has provided for me. I am amazed, and I am unworthy, but my God is full or mercy and grace.

Now that I've overloaded you with information, let me overload you with photos from the summer.

Me and my sweet little nephew. 

End of June my aunt and her family were on a major road trip, and they stopped by to see Julianna and I. 

Not sure how the date got there (I don't remember writing that) but we celebrated our first year together in June. 

Thanks to David's sister, Karin, for taking some fantastic photos

Hiking around Washington.

One shot from the wedding I did. 

Beginning of Waldo Canyon fire. By the mountains, that is the glow from the fire. 

Big flare up one evening. This was taken with my telephoto lens from across town. 

Glow from the fire. 

Picture from an engagement photo shoot I did. 

Double date. We went bowling, and then out to lunch. 

Senior photos I did. 

Camping

Camping. Caiden asked if he needed to smile, and I said he didn't. Aka this face. 

Maternity shoot I did. 

Camping; dirty

This is where David asked me out 15 months ago. 

Anyway, that's been my summer. It's had a lot of ups and downs, and I just feel tired. Hopefully, now that I have written this, I might start blogging more, since things now have a context.