Furthermore, starting in September/October, I got a photographer's block. Sadly, that's when I started booking a bunch of shoots. I had a newborn shoot, three engagement shoots, and a family shoot. The problem is, every time I went to the shoots, I just wasn't feeling it. This is actually hard for me to say, because I know there's a huge possibility that I have clients who read my blog, and it's hard for me to let down, and just let everyone know, I don't know as much about photography as I might seem. I mess up constantly, and a lot of times I just pretend to know things.
All of that said, I got caught up in a mindset of, "I am not a good photographer." I can't even tell you how many times I thought this in the last semester, because I thought it so much. Now, I look back at that, and it really just makes my heart ache. It makes me sad about how hard I was on myself. And it makes me sad because of the amount of joy that it took away from photography for me.
All that just leads up to say, I stressed majorly over the wedding I had last Sunday. I basically felt like the whole world was on my shoulders, and if I messed up, we were doomed. I would go to bed at night, and be kept up for hours because I would worry about the wedding. It was unhealthy, and not needed.
The thing about the wedding though, was I feel like it got me out of my slump. It made me realize that I have unrealistic expectations of myself. I know I am not as good as some photographers. Anyone can easily see that. I can see that. The problem is that I compare myself to photographers who have been doing it for YEARS. These are people who have an entire education in art or photography, and they have had many years to build their portfolio, and have had time to gain experience. The thing is, they too had to learn from their mistakes. I've been working on my photography for under two years, all while going to school for a different degree, and working 2-3 jobs at a time. Yes, I do wish I had more time to study photography, and to read about it, and to practice it, but I don't. This is where I am in life, and I accept that.
That said, I think I need to be careful at how much I focus on other people's work. It's so easy to get caught up in the pattern of thinking, "well those photographers are so good, and I'll never be that good." But that's a pointless mindset to get caught up in.
Another thing I realized with this wedding, was that I appreciate my pictures a lot more when I think about the fact that if someone did the same pictures for me, I would be so happy with them. I would love that someone captured those special moments for me.
The last thing that this wedding did for me, was that it reminded me why I have always loved photography. It's because I love capturing those special moments. I loved seeing the love that this couple had for each other, and I loved that I had the opportunity to capture it. Maybe I didn't to the perfect job with lighting, or setting up the picture, but I know I captured some special moments, and that's exactly what they wanted.
--- This isn't a post at all to say that I am better than anyone, or to bring myself down. I'm finally realizing the mistakes I made last semester, and I'm hoping not to do the same thing again (although I won't be surprised if I do). And I'm saying all of this humbly, and honestly.
Furthermore, it's the third week of January, and I'm already behind on my 52 week project. Ha. I do have the pictures though... I just haven't posted.
Anyway, here's a picture for this week, and soon I hope to post a picture for last week.
|Although there are many images that I love from the wedding, this is one of my favorites. I just love the setup, and I love how it captured one of their special moments, as they snuck a kiss on the dance floor!|
Also, who likes my new watermark?!? My talented boyfriend did it, and I love how the CJ looks like a heart. That is how I will forever look at it.